drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
