There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
