omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
