Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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