why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
