it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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