respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
