READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
