There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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