Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
