i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
from now on my penis is your penis
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
