So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
