Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
