if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
