I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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