I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
