The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
