You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
