Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
