Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My vagina just clenched in fear
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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