Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Barsexuality is the new black.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
