Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
