Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
