my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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