Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
