I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
