I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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