I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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