i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
