Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
