My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
