I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
