I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
this will be a night to untag.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
