dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I think weed is turning my hair brown
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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