She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
