he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
