my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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