Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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