Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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