dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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