Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
