Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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