Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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