Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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