Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
