Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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