her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
