I like to think it a success when the cops are called
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
