He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
