Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
