I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
