I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
you made out with another girl for some wings
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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