Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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