I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
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