i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
