True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
