Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
