Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
