I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
