So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
