This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
