That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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