break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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