he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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