"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
