Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I bet he comes in French.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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