after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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