his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
