Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
