Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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