How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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