It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
