I puked a lego.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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