Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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