I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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